Farewell 12.2 (exams & tests)!!! \(^o^)/

WE ARE FINALLY DONE WITH ALL THE EXAMS AND TESTS OF 12.2 (second term of twelfth grade)!!! Hoooooooooooorrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!! \(^o^)/

I'm so happy.. And we're going on holiday now..
I personally will relax, meet cousins and friends who I haven't seen for quite a long time (because of the stupid exams) and study a bit for the oral exam then.
Oh right, I forgot to mention that it turned out that I have a talisman now! ;)

Anyway, I wish all the students of Abi 2007 nice, enjoyable and stressless holidays! =)

''Don't take everything so literally!''

I've been hearing this for the last two or even three years.
Schoolmates ask me to not take everything so seriously and especially not so literally.
But what does literally mean? You rely on what's said, on the words which someone chose to express himself. How am I supposed to understand people when everything what they say is not meant literally but superficially.
Words do play a big role in our life: promises are words, speeches by politicians are words, confessions are words, etc.
So, we believe what people say and expect certain actions then. And if people's words contradict their actions then they are schizophrenic.
Back to the subject. My main problem is that I don’t understand how I’m supposed to believe people if they don’t mean everything they say. And the bigger problem is: I’m expecting people to think before they say something and because of that I always start to interpret and analyze what’s been said. This often leads to loads of misunderstandings because it usually turns out that the person who said something just said without thinking about it much. So, you don’t think before you talk  --> what you say can’t be taken seriously.
Now here comes my biggest problem: I haven’t met a single person (at my age) who’s like me regarding this subject. Even the ones who are pretty mature and smart also give comments and I keep wondering: Why did they say that? What were they thinking?
It always ends up with the same conclusion: They didn’t think at all!
And this can be quite exhausting for someone who’s always expecting people to talk sense. I guess my problem is that I sometimes think too much, trying to find the right words to express what I want to say in a way that excludes any misunderstanding. If you asked me about something I said two years ago I would still be able to give an explanation.. even if it was wrong I’d be able to explain the error in reasoning.
Of course there are certain situations in which one can overreact and you don’t take what he said personally because he was out of his mind but these situations shouldn’t become the standard.
Another crazy thing would be: I still remember certain incidents which happened 3, 6 or 9 years ago when I acted on impulse and had to bear the consequences later. To sum it up: I’m expecting too much from the people around me. Especially when I believe that there’s a hidden message or some sense in everything what’s said (do).
Can’t say that I’m willing to change that because as I said, words do play a big role in our life and if one just abstracts all the meanings of each and every word they’d get quite superfluous and meaningless. So, why still talking?

Corazon de nino - Raul Di Blasio

I just love and admire Raul Di Blasio. His songs (usually instrumental things) are just incredible!!!
Couldn't find one where he's playing himself but the boy who is playing is really good too.. Only the first 3 minutes are important. The rest is Spanish (I think) and I have to admit that I have no idea what they're saying! =D
So, listen and enjoy! :)

(First press play then pause and leave it until it has finished loading, so it doesn't buffer and you can enjoy it in spades.)

"I Don't Know How to Love Him" by Andrew Lloyd Webber

In 8th grade everyone had to pick up a song and sing it infront of the whole class.. I chose this one and got an A then. =)
I just love the melody. This version is pretty good. So, enjoy! :)

(First press play then pause and leave it until it has finished loading, so it doesn't buffer and you can enjoy it in spades.)

Contradictions (Part 3) *'*controlling feelings but not thoughts*'*

At school we often discussed if one could control his feelings or not.. Especially when it comes to love. I believe one can.
After all, you don't just wake up one morning and find out that you are in love.
Love is a process. A long process. It starts with respecting someone, getting to know this someone, liking this someone, getting used to talking to this someone, etc. and there's always this certain point where it is your decision if you want to give free reign to your feelings or not.
So, all in all you can control the development of your feelings.
But when it comes to keeping your thoughts under control it gets even harder than controlling your feelings because you do not really notice it.
The best example is: you’re sitting doing some German homework, then there’s this one word which you don’t understand but then you remember that this word was explained to your before, you start thinking in which context this word was explained and what had raised the topic itself, after that you start remembering the whole discussion and all what’s been said and how the topic was changed and how you began talking about something totally different… And in the end you find yourself thinking of things which don’t have anything to do with your German homework. (-.-)
During the last months I’ve really stated enjoying tracking the development of a discussion and how things are connected. It’s awesome how totally different things can be linked to each other!!!
The only thing which bothers me is that once you let your mind wander your thoughts can get so out of control that you don’t even notice that you are missing the point (and wasting time).
So, on the one hand my self-control works perfectly when it comes to controlling feelings.. but totally fails regarding thoughts.. Got to work on that! =)

Something's back \(^v^)/!

It's back! It's finally back!
In my previous post I wrote about this certain sentiment which was missing for such a long time and now: It's back!
Any reasons for that? Sure there are.
In 10th grade I got my first E in a physics exam (was getting As and Bs in the former year). So this was a SHOCK!
And until today I nearly messed up every single physics exam or at least I couldn't achieve any more Bs. So this was SHOCK NO 2!
Besides, what really bothered me wasn't the grade itself but more the feeling when you're sitting there and you don’t have a clue what to write! This is an awful feeling and I prefer to know all the solutions and don't have enough time to write them down than sitting there not knowing what the solution even is.
Well, today it was different: I was able to solve almost all the problems and as usual I was in need for 10 more minutes to be able to write everything down. Now, I don't care if I will get a B or a C or whatever because I got something which is even better:
I've reprised my self-confidence regarding achieving things and right now I feel I could even reach for the stars up there! (Even wrote a poem about that!)
So, this special certain feeling is back! =)
Another proof? While doing the chemistry homework I didn’t just do what we’re asked for but even more and I was interested and this interest in knowing more than what's required was one of the features of the this feeling I had in 9th grade. So happy! =)
Looks like I had to let it out by writing about it so it returns! =D
Three years.. Will never let it go again, inshaa’ Allah!

Something's missing! (><)

I was watching some of my old Sailor Moon episodes which I had recorded 5 years ago while having lunch today. Then I remembered how all these Anime series had such a huge effect on me. From Sailor Moon, Dragon Balls and Monster Rancher to Jeanne, Detective Conan and Inuyasha.. I loved that world and there was this certain special sentiment/feeling.
This sentiment helped me to achieve all my goals in 9th grade regarding grades and my social life.
During the last two years I have totally lost this sentiment. And the last two years also proved that I won’t be able to get back to this phase in which I was capable of accomplishing everything I was seeking unless I get this feeling back.
Now, how do you get a certain sentiment back?
I know this whole thing might sound stupid and crazy but there’s always this motivation which encourages you and doesn’t let you lose hope. Once this motivation is lost one gets pretty indolent. And I just hate being like that!!! (><)
I miss this old motivation and I really hope that things will get back to normal (normal = successful phase) as soon as possible because my life cannot go on like that!

Contradictions (Part 2) *'*easy but wrong*'*

In life we always try to take the easiest and most comfortable decisions..
We try to make and take it easy..
But who said life is supposed to be easy? Heaven will be an easy eternal life. But life? No!
Life is a test with lots and lots of problems and complications. And for some reason it’s always the wrong things which seem to be so easy.
What about what’s right? It’s difficult and unpleasant.
I could give you a whole list of examples, e.g.:

• lying instead of saying the truth and getting into trouble
• ignoring mistakes instead of trying to fix them
• being superficial instead of analysing things intensely, etc.

So, it’s difficult to do what’s right and easy to do what’s wrong. It follows from this that we should try to see what’s right and not what’s easy because the gap between them is enormous.
And the only way to deal with that is having a strong faith and self-discipline!

Giving up my idealism? No way! =)

During the last days, weeks, months, years I saw lots of things at school which really bothered me..
I’m not talking about the colour and fashion disasters but about the behaviour of the Egyptians.

On the one hand may I congratulate all our Egyptian couples (at school) on being worse than the Germans! You’ve really proved how open-minded you are. May I include the word "disrespectful".
There are also so many people who start analysing things in such a superficial way and then claim they know what love and friendship is: hypocrisy and pure entertainment. ><
We also have the Egyptian Muslims who are ready (sometimes forced) to say bad things about their religion and their country just to please the German teachers.
Besides it’s crazy how material most of them are: If you ask anyone what’s your aim in life: “Have a good job where you can make lots of money!” I think that is simply sad because right now it is important to see how one can fix the wrong and bad circumstances in this country.. Of course, you need money for that because: money means power, power means the ability of changing things if you’d like to but without the will itself you won’t even have the intention to change anything.
Then if I take a look at the moral principles themselves: Everyone’s just concerned about his own advantages or even amusement and doesn’t care if it’s morally/ethically right or wrong. For example when there was this alcohol-Abiball thingy..
Until now I can’t believe that there wasn’t a single person who was ready to stand up against the ones who wanted to turn this special evening into some let’s-get-drunk-evening. Either people just remained silent or they encouraged the whole thing and even said: “What’s wrong about drinking?!” That just drove me crazy and being the only one who’s arguing with more than 10 people at the same time (and a whole bunch of other people who come to you later and accuse you of ruining their perfect evening by having the intention bar them from drinking) was just unbelievable. I wished there was only one, one person who had at least said: “Ok, maybe we should try to do without it on that evening because it’s wrong anyway!” But nooo, it’s a pleasure, so, why should one admit that it’s wrong?
(By the way, special thanks to the Sphinx for the backup!)
And another things is: In order to enjoy life and have a nice time people are just ready to put up with everything ignoring the fact that accepting wrong things while not taking part in them may also have its negative effects on them.
So, there’s this huge balloon inside of me which has been filling up for quite a long time by now.

On the other hand there are these rare but very effective moments like when you pass by the school mosque and you see a whole bunch of shoes infront of it. Or when you see the younger ones criticizing what the older ones do like the hugging and smooching, etc.
In addition it's a great feeling when you grab someone’s attention to something which he’s been doing and he admits later that it was wrong and tries to stop it. It shows that you are not just living and trying to be a good person but that you also want the people around you to be good.

My schoolmates tell me I can’t change the world and are blaming me for my idealism..
They say I won’t get married if I stayed like that =D (We’ll see =P)
Even my grandmother criticized me a few times for not being able to deal with wrong things and this addiction to always wanting to better everyone around me.. But I think if you were already given the gift of knowing what’s right (mainly by sticking to your religion) then why shouldn’t you let it be of use to others? =)

Decisions regarding feelings

One of the hardest and most difficult things in life is making decisions. I'm not talking about whether you have to choose between a green or a blue shirt but about the decisions which will have effects on your life. And it gets even harder when other people are affected by these decisions.

And when it comes to feelings your whole world may turn upside down.
For example at the very beginning of any relationship there is often this one question: Should I follow my heart or think about it more intensely?
I guess I don't have to mention the whole bunch of other questions which start filling up your head until you are just about to explode. But in the end it's quite funny because if you're a teenager and you face such a situation I bet you'll laugh like hell when you're 21 or older because these things seem so naive, superficial and hilarious then.
I know lots of people who loved someone and a few years later they couldn't believe how superficial they were at that time.
Knowing that you'll laugh at yourself later makes you want to avoid such a decision because saying the three words to someone means you’re making a promise.. and if you know that you won't keep it anyways you should simply avoid saying them.. and it’s not because you’re moody but because you simply grow up and the way you analyze and interpret things totally changes (that's if you're not a hopeless case).
So, giving someone a promise you can't guarantee for life is simply stupid and irresponsible.
To make it clearer, let's say: Two people reveal to each other that they love each other and let their emotions run wild. Two years later (and they should have become more mature by then) one of them or both of them notice that this isn't the picture perfect they had in mind so they split up. If both came to the same conclusion then it's simply fine but if it's only one part who did and the other one is still falling for the other one.. Well, then it comes to the cruel and unpleasant part: One gets hurt. Of course he/she won't be lovesick forever but even if it's for a while it still hurts and there wasn't a real reason to let it come that far.
Now one could say: You can be 25 years old and find out two years later that you are not meant for each other. That's true. But in this case it won't be because you hadn't made up your mind about what kind of personality you want but because it took time until you've gotten to know each other very well and you started seeing things you didn't see at the beginning.

And I guess everyone knows how moody and capricious teenagers are.
By the way, I know I'm still a teenager too (only 2 years left to say bye bye to that) but the knowledge that most of your views will change makes it easier to accept that the time hasn't come yet to experience all the things.

All in all, I guess what I teenager like me can do is: Enjoying his life surrounded by his family and his real true friends, studying/working hard to achieve something later (have to work on that :$) and watching how life goes and develops so he gains some experiences from the surroundings!

One year after Pupa's death

It’s been a year now..
I woke up on a Saturday (11/03/06) Ahmed standing there and I’m like: “What’s wrong?” And he just said: “He rests in peace now!”
The first thing I thought about was how my grandmother was doing.
It was a surprise, no, it was a shock.
He was supposed to get out of hospital on that day and go back home. I thought I would wake up and just find him there making fun of me because I woke up so late as usual.
And all the habits just faded away by this one sentence: He rests in peace now! It was my first time to deal with the death of a very beloved person and when I look at the circumstances: I wasn’t talking to my friends, I had some exams coming up, I had no idea how to deal with the situation and I just hated staying at home.
Everyone was expecting me to be strong as usual and to help my grandmother.
Point was: I didn’t know how.. I had to become strong myself to be able to support her then.
Positive experience? During the first two weeks I would definitely have said: No. But when almost one month had passed I noticed that there’s nothing like: I can’t live without him or such things. Because you can always go on and one of God’s gifts is the ability of forgetting (Wa ma someya el ensan ensanan ellah le nesyaneh). I didn’t forget that he died but I forgot to think of him every day.. His absence became normal.. Today, a year ago, I thought things would never get back to normal.. Now here I am standing leading my life as I did before. The only thing is: I still don’t get the meaning of: He’s dead. It’s like he’s on a looong trip but I may see him one day. Sounds stupid..
When I visited his grave a few months agoI started crying indeed but I couldn’t imagine him buried under the ground there. All I know, he’s not there any more.
And I still have no idea how I will deal with my grandmother’s death..
She’s the one who really showed me what it means to have someone who cares about you and who wants to bring out the best in you. Yes, she can really replace a whole family.
People always tell me: “Don’t think about her death now, don’t think, don’t think!” But I just have to.. because it’s real.. And it will be real someday.
I’m not planning it, I’m not looking forward to it but I’m taking it into consideration and just hope that.. Hmmm.. I won’t say I don’t want her to die because that would be selfish. I regard death as a setting free from the troubles and worries of life.
It’s hard for the ones who are left behind but it’s only a matter of time until these people just get carried away from the troubles and worries of life they will have to face now too.
And as long as you have people around you, people you love and people who love you, one’s able to deal with such situations quite well.

I’d like to mention that the only really bright side of this incident was how my relationship with Mona developed. It’s crazy.. It’s often the bad times which let new or people you don’t see that often enter your life..
I would also like to thank Nada, Nourhan, Yomna and Nermin.. You really helped me at that time! :)

So, I guess all I can say now is: May he rest in peace! Allah yerhammoh!

Isn't it just cuuuuuute?!!!

Got it from Splendid Pictures Around The Net

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You - Engelbert Humperdinck

I just love this song! I don't know if it's the music or the lyrics.. I think mainly the music!
That was the best video I could find although I'm used to the one by Tony Bennett and others.
Anyway, listen and enjoy! =)

(First press play then pause and leave it until it has finished loading, so it doesn't buffer and you can really enjoy it.)